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Stop saying ‘Stop Freaking Out About the Yankees!’

BRONX, N.Y. — New York Yankees fans pay a lot of good money and devote a lot of their time to following the team. So, yeah, sometimes we get a little upset. We shouldn’t, because after all, Mickey Mantle doesn’t care about you! Ah but we do.

At 5-7, it’s not so much the slow start, because yes, it’s a long season. If you’re mad about that, maybe football or college hoops are more your speed. No, what I’m talking about is the pattern, trend, and makeup of the team.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s a talented bunch and they’ll win their 95-100 games for sure. What’s baffling tough is that you could basically interchange a lot of the players from about 2004 on and it’s the same team.

HAVEN’T I SEEN YOU AROUND HERE BEFORE?

Hi Josh Phelps, at first base. I mean, Jay Bruce. I knew your name started with a J. Move over to second base and welcome back Tony Womack err Rougned Odor. At least Gio Urshela reminds me of Scott Brosius at the hot corner or we’d really be in trouble.

Wearing 24, fingers crossed Gary Sanchez doesn’t start hitting like Kevin Maas and loafing like Robinson Cano.

Are we ready to start bangin’ again or is half the lineup resting on the bench in game 12 of the season?

GIVE UP ON THE ROTATION ALREADY? YUP!

The Yankees gave up on Domingo German after two starts. Yes, he’s a total scumbag but if the Yankees can make rapid decisions after two outings, so can I!

Oh, Kevin Brown and Jaret Wright. One a borderline Hall of Fame pitcher but a shell of himself and the other a one-time phenom with constant bouts of injuries. I’m sorry, Corey Kluber and Jameson Taillon, my mistake.

It’s almost like the GM has a type.

Don’t panic though, I’m sure we’ll pass on acquiring this year’s Justin Verlander at the trade deadline AGAIN because Luis Severino coming back from injury will be “like a trade.”

TOO MUCH COMPLACENCY

I don’t know if the Yankees are afraid of their own shadow or what? And by shadow, I mean the 1980’s. That was an era of chaos, constant managerial and front office changes, zero titles, and no pitching.

Conversely, since 1992, the Yankees have more or less sustained continuity. We had a guy named Joe managing the team for 21 years and Brian Cashman has been GM here since 1998.

By no means am I saying blow it all up but at some point, you have to shift as an organization. Like it or not, you need one of these young 20 something nerd MIT guys as your GM so you’re not playing checkers while everyone else is playing chess.

Or you could hire ‘ol Willie Randolph, Buck Showalter, or Lou Piniella as skipper and give someone a kick in the pants.

I say some of this in jest but there definitely needs to be some better build-up with the starting pitchers, improved situational hitting, and a tightening up on defensive and baserunning fundamentals.

C’mon Yanks, wake up, let’s go!