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2013 Yankees Season Awards

Andy Pettitte announced that he is retiring after this season.  Many Yankees fans wish that Joba Chamberlain would have done this.  -Two years ago.  Heck, how about the entire scouting department stepping down, or have they already retired?  Is that why there is a paucity of talent in the minors?  Like the fight for universal healthcare, gun reform, or mercifully, Anthony Weiner’s run for mayor, the  2013 Yankees season is over.  Thanks to not just Joba Chamberlain, though he does deserve his fair share of credit, but to be fair Joba has only been in forty something games this year.  Sadly, a large chunk of the blame extends to many on the team like CC Sabathia, who since 2009 has been an automatic of at least nineteen wins and seven to eight innings each time out.  Just not this year, and Phil Hughes -please hold your applause until the end,-definitely should be recognized as a significant contributor to this season by following last year’s career high of thirteen losses with -drumroll please- another thirteen losses.  Not an easy achievement by any means.  Kind of like staying a virgin through college a la Tim Tebow or Prince Amukamara.  Yes, it is a very dubious honor at best.  Though the most credit must go to the one and only DL, the Disabled List.  The disabled list and the front office’s newly found Scrooge McDuck like miserliness introduced fans to talent they may have never seen otherwise like: Luis Cruz, Brent Lilibridge, Reid Brignac, Chris Nelson, Zoilo Almonte, Vernon Wells, Ben Fransisco,  Jim Miller, Mike Zagurski, Matt Daley, David Huff, and many more.  What follows are the awards for the 2013 Yankees as chosen by you the fans.

On to the awards, and let us begin with the pitching distinctions.  Now for much of the season Hiroki Kuroda made a dark horse case for the Cy Young award.  Sadly, he has faded in the last month and a half, but credit should be given to how he still tried his best to get to the sixth and even seventh inning of games without ruining his team’s chances to win.  Yet today let us acknowledge someone who has done the exact opposite of a Cy Young Award candidate.  A man who has hurt his team with resounding frequency, the winner of the Ed Whitson Award for wilting under pressure: Phil Hughes.  No explanation needed.  CC Sabathia was very much in the running, and at the onset of the season it looked like Ivan Nova might run away with this award, but Nova’s vast improvement was no match for Hughes’s steady decline.  While the award for the most ineffective reliever, also known as the Kyle Farnsworth award, goes to, of course, Joba Chamberlain.  The man is responsible for more televisions shutting off when he enters a game than a Time Warner blackout.  He singlehandedly increases beer and food sales at the Stadium because no one wants to see the horror unravel after he comes into a game.  Bravo.  Stimulate that economy.

Now the offensive awards, not offensive as in racial slurs, but pretty darn close seeing as how much stomach turning the team’s hitters caused during June, July, and August.  The hitter who really did the least at the plate is, not surprisingly, and winner of the the Aluminum Slugger, that we can only hope MLB allows him to use in future games to improve his chances of touching the ball, is Vernon Wells.  Please, please hold your comments to the end.  Yes, Wells has solidly had an on-base percentage lower than the likes of Ike Davis.  There was even a point in July where Vernon had to be reintroduced to Mick Kelleher, the Yankees first base coach, because Vernon so rarely made it to first base.  True story.  Some might argue that Ichiro is more deserving of this award because of his brutal start to the year, but he still does have more extra-base hits than Wells.  No, that was not a typo.  An overwhelming number of fans voted for Travis Hafner, may his Yankees career rest in peace, but considering that his production was about the same as Wells in about half the at-bats the decision was clear.  Rest assured this was not an easy decision.  Other notable mentions: Chris Stewart, who had more passed balls than extra-base hits, and also Austin Romine, who spent a good chunk of the summer partying in clubs with Yasiel Puig, Amanda Bynes, and other notable celebs.  Wait, he did not?  Then he spent most of the summer trying to hit .150?  That makes a brain explode as much as Governor Christie vetoing his own gun control proposal.  Alas, it does happen.

Finally, the game/loss of the year was possibly the toughest one to call.  A plethora of fans wrote in.  There were so many painnful losses, like Thursday’s implosion of Joba Chamberlain against the Blue Jays in a close game.  Of course, many fans wrote in and nominated six of the seven games where the Red Sox brutalized the Yanks.   Obviously, there was the sweep at the hands of the dreaded Mutts, er, Mets.  The sweep in Chicago to a White Sox team that had lost ten in a row, and was securely in last place.  All strong candidates, but the winner of game of the year goes to the game that took place on the 13th of June in Oakland.  Eighteen innings of futility from Yankees hitters along with Mariano coming in to give up the hits that scored the winning run make this easliy a fitting game for both the offense and pitching.  Ah, a Yankee Classic to be replayed quite often on YES for future generations to enjoy the proud tradition of fiscal austerity that the Yankees have adopted from Greece and Spain.  Mind you why the Yankees are following in their fiscal footsteps is beyond anyone.  When was the last time Greece or Spain won a World Series? A pennant?  Qualified for a wild card?   Right?  The Mutts, er, Mets are more relevant.  Speaking of which if an act of God did not halt Harvey’s season then the future of the Mutts, er, Mets might actually -Gasp!- look brighter than that of the Yankees.  Could this be the sign of the eighties coming back again?  It would make sense with all the Reagan fanaticism.  It is actually shocking that the Right has not called for the number 40 to be retired around all ball parks in honor of the fortieth president and Father of our Country.  Well, seeing as how you Yankees fans do not have to write in your votes for the 2013 season awards anymore you can now spend your time pursuing that avenue.  Heck, why not try and get Reagan into the Hall of Fame.  Get to writing the Veterans Committee.  After all Reagan played the game the right way, and more importantly he never took PEDs.

In the meantime let me finally get around to dedicating myself to the New York Giants, and finish the Manning Bowl which I tivoed….Oh, my goodness!….What the…Just when I thought the Yankees had a brutal season.  Eli, why?….Hand it off to…actually do not hand it off to anyone…Another int-  Okay, before I beat Tom Coughlin to a stroke let me just thank the 2013 Yankees for teaching me empathy.  Now I know what is like to be a Mitts, er, Mets fan.  Yankees in 2014.  I can dream, right?