Folks, we’re just not winning anymore. It’s true. Nothing you can do about it. Sad. Well, maybe the New York Yankees can do something about it during the hot stove season.
So we’re going to rebuild the infrastructure of the organization, bigger and better than ever before! Top prospects, smart deals, no more bad trade deals like in the past, and we’re going to do it, big league. We’re going to drain the swamp from spending good money after bad. When we do that, we’re going to win, we’re going to be doing so much winning, it’ll make your head spin!
First, we’re going to add pitching. Power pitching! After Masahiro Tanaka and Dellin Betances, not nice!
So, we’re going to sign Aroldis Chapman and his left-handed fireball. Then we’re going to sign Kenley Jansen and his nasty cutter, just like when our bullpen was truly great with Mariano Rivera. Goofy Adam Warren can’t do it all by himself and we’re going to help him out okay.
In the starting rotation, we’re going to make more deals and maybe sign a guy like Derek Holland.
Next, we’re going to add the biggest bats around, believe me! It’s going to be huge! Folks, we’ve become the Bronx bunters, so sad. We’re going to make a change and get back to being the Bronx Bombers. We need hitters like Paul O’Neill! Where’s Paul? I love Paul! He’s a great supporter of what we’re doing!
We’re going to sign Yoenis Cespedes, Edwin Encarnacion, and Steve Pearce, and make our lineup real big league! That’s a hell of a lot of power! The rest of the AL East had better watch out because we will bomb the crap out of them!
We will do this together and restore the Yankees to where they belong, at the top of the heap of the baseball world.